Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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