i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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