Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
