We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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