bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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