I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
