"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
