okay pat passed out under dana's car
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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