Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
