Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
