y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
