my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
