Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
