I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
