but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
