he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
