just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
