i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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