literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
