I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
