He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
