So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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