fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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