From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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