By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
