I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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