i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
