There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
