Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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