What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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