So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
