I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
