Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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