I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
