i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
