dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
