i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
