Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
