We're facebook friends in real life
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
