just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
