Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
