how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
