I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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