Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
