The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
