we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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