Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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