Apparently you make a good broom.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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