Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
