I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Bring me that man meat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
