Im at strip club and am horny
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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