i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
