I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
