wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
