Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
