I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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