he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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