God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
