dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
