During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
