I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
